Not This Time, Voorhees
by Eddy13
Summary: Ron has concerns about him and Kim becoming a horror movie cliche, but Kim sets him straight.


**I.**

The sun was already down, the woods pitch black. In a small clearing was a little camp: a two-person tent next to a nice warm fire. As the young pair in front of the fire roasted marshmallows, they contemplated the events of the day they had experienced.

"That was a pretty crazy mission" Kim was saying.

"I know" Ron nodded "I mean, really, you'd think Dementor would've been smart enough to know that melting the polar ice caps would be a bad idea since his lair was sitting directly on it! I mean, come on, that seemed more like a mistake Drakken would make!"

"On the plus side, we got to see what an evil German scientist sounds like when he has a cold" Kim said with a grin.

"Yeah, and I thought he was hard to understand with his regular accent" Ron nodded before looking to the fire "Ooh! Marshmallows are done!"

Picking up the sticks, the duo began to eat their marshmallows while still talking.

"In any case, Ron" Kim went on "You did good back there. If not for you, we would've gone down with the lair when the ice cracked".

"Pssh. You would've done the same, KP" Ron said dismissively "I was just following your example".

Kim grinned. "You've really become a bigger help in our missions since Graduation".

"Hey, I finally got the hang of these monkey powers, so I figure I might as well use them" Ron replied.

Still smirking, Kim looked up into the night sky. "The stars are really beautiful tonight".

"Eh, personally, the only stars I'm interesting in are those emerald ones on your face, KP" Ron said honestly.

Kim giggled. "Do you know how cheesy that sounded, Ron?"

"About as much as I usually put on nachos?" Ron asked.

"Pretty much" Km replied before a loving grin appeared on her face "Luckily, I liked it anyway".

Grinning, Ron raised his stick to nibble his marshmallow. Before he could, however, Kim struck it with her own stick.

"Ah, what did you do that for, KP?" Ron moaned "Now our marshmallows are stuck together!"

Smirking sultrily, Kim brought her stick up to her mouth and pulled the marshmallow on it off with her teeth. Getting the idea with a grin, Ron did the same, leaving a large wad of marshmallow in between the two. They started chewing their ends and headed for the center. When they reached the middle, their mouths met. The marshmallow broke in half and went down their windpipes as their tongues explored each other's mouths, reveling in the sweet taste they had just experienced.

Eventually, hands began to wander over bodies, the two feeling each other as they coiled themselves together, their kiss deepening and their eyes closed in pleasure.

Eventually, their lungs' need for air overridden their desire for each other and they reluctantly parted, gasping and staring each other in the eye.

"Can you wait any longer?" Kim asked, desire in her voice.

"Uh uh" Ron shook his head in response.

Turning to look to the side, the pair saw that Rufus was sound asleep by the fire in a glove sleeping bag. Kim then removed the Kimmunicator from her wrist and buried it in her bag, ensuring they wouldn't be interrupted.

Completely alone, the duo got up off the ground and dashed towards their tent, holding hands.

The moment they entered the tent, a pair of sinister blood-red eyes with shadowy pupils appeared in the brush.

 **II.**

Their shoes and socks were tossed against the side of the tent. They savored removing each other's gloves. Kim then grabbed Ron's shirt and pulled it off before he did the same to her. She then removed his titanium belt and caused his pants to fall to the ground before he got her out of her own pants. The pair then cuddled as Ron struggled to unclasp Kim's sports bra. With them both down to just their underwear, they both grabbed the other's garment and pushed them down simultaneously, leaving them both free of the confines of clothing before they cuddled and kissed deeply.

 **III.**

From out of the underbrush stepped a large hulking figure, too obscured by shadows for its features to be fully seen. The creature's eyes took in the sight of the tent and the silhouettes within with a murderous gaze before slowly approaching it.

 **IV.**

"Ah, man" Ron said in realization, Kim on top of him "I forgot to bring a condom".

"Oh, I don't think it really matters" Kim replied, not letting up on the kisses she was placing on Ron's neck.

"Oh, you mean you've taken a pill?" Ron asked.

"Nope" Kim replied with a grin, kissing Ron's torso.

"Uh, KP" Ron said nervously "I know that I barely passed Health Class, but I'm pretty sure that…"

"Ron, trust me" Kim said confidently as she sat up to look him in the eyes "It'll be fine".

Deciding to take Kim's word for it, Ron wrapped his arms around the redhead and brought her down to kiss her passionately.

 **III.**

The creature ran its long razor-sharp claws along the trunk of a tree, leaving behind a nasty gash that cut all the way through, as it continued to creep up on the tent, not a sound was made with its heavy footfalls.

 **IV.**

"Hey, KP" Ron said as the pair were in a position that would fit into the Karma Sutra "Don't you think this a tad cliché?"

"What?" Kim said as she arched her back to Ron.

"Well, I mean, fooling around in the woods" Ron replied as he clutched Kim's chest.

"What about it?" Kim said as she turned herself around so that was sitting in Ron's lap.

 **V.**

Reaching into the flesh of its stomach as it continued walking forward, the creature pulled out a long sinister-looking weapon that looked like the combination of a scythe and a spear. Gripping the weapon in both its claws, the beast continued moving towards the tent.

 **VI.**

"Well, you've seen all those horror movies, right?" Ron said as he ran his hands along Kim's back while she nibbled at his neck "Two people are fooling around in the woods when all of a sudden, a vicious, murderous, psychotic monster butchers them just before they can finish. Kind of a buzzkill to me".

 **VII.**

Sneaking past the sleeping rodent, the creature drew closer to the tent, ready to pierce it and its occupants with its weapon.

 **VIII.**

Kim stopped her administrations and looked Ron in the eye.

"Ron, relax" she said "That's not going to happen to us".

"Uh, how do you know?" Ron had to ask.

"If you recall, all those people in the movies had sex out of wedlock" Kim replied.

 **IX.**

"So, what's your point?" Ron was saying as the creature raised its weapon over its head as it prepared to strike.

 **X.**

Kim held up her left hand, drawing attention to the princess-cut diamond on her ring finger.

"We're married, remember?"

 **XI.**

The creature stopped itself mid-strike before its weapon could make contact with the tent's occupants, a shocked expression on its face. Annoyance in its eyes, it snapped its claws in frustration before stomping off in a huff.

 **XII.**

"Oh, yeah" Ron said noddingly "I almost forgot".

"Ron, please" Kim shook her head "Do you really think I'd be okay with us doing this unless I knew we were safe from being slaughtered by a psychopath?"

"I thought it would be because you didn't believe in those monster movies" Ron replied with a shrug.

"Ron, after everything we've seen, I'm willing to believe in anything" Kim said with a knowing look, before it morphed into a sultry grin "Anyway, where were we?"

With that the couple resumed their fun activities.

 **XIII.**

Aggravated, the beast stormed through the woods, muttering in a language no human could understand, and possibly go mad trying to translate it.

Kicking a small rock, the creature lowered its weapon in disappointment, letdown that it wouldn't get to kill anyone today.

Suddenly, its long, bat-like ears perked up as they sensed something. Turning in all directions, it soon spotted another tent a few feet away. Inside was another pair doing the deed.

"Oh, that tickles, Junior!" came a shrill voice from the female in the tent. From the creature's experience, it could tell this was a brunette.

"My dear" came the male's voice "Might I ask how much longer you intend to wait before we are to get married?"

"Marriage?" the female replied "Oh, please. That would just tie us down and make it too solid. It's better if we just maintain our relationship as it is now".

Its eyes wide in delight and a feral grin on its fanged muzzle, the creature raised its weapon as it slowly approached the unsuspecting couple in the tent.

 **The End?  
**

* * *

 **A/N: This wasn't something I originally intended to write, but this plot bunny burrowed into me this morning and wouldn't stop thumping. Besides, I always felt a desire to write a Halloween-based KP story around this time of year. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this little tale, and don't worry, "Drakken's Big Score", "Power Rangers Zodiac Force", "Hybrid", and "Possible Pirates" will all be returning soon.**


End file.
